Lessons in Communication and Leadership: Finding (Or Re-finding) Your Voice

As a teenage girl in the 1990s, I had a very clear picture of what leadership looked like. I imagined myself as a high-powered businesswoman in a sharp power suit, carrying a briefcase (it was the 90s), confidently taking up my place as the boss. I was the girl who did well at school, became Head Girl, and inevitably had a line on my school report about “talking too much”. Some might have called me bossy. I would have called it having an opinion. I was confident, self-assured and unafraid to use my voice, whether that was giving a speech at prize day, leading the sixth form committee, or politely but firmly pointing out in a café when the order wasn’t right. I hadn’t yet learned that confidence isn’t something you get once and keep forever. 

Lesson 1: Losing your voice doesn’t mean you’ve lost your leadership
 Life has a way of reshaping us. Sometimes gently, sometimes with a bit of a jolt. I married young, had my first child at 23, and by 29 I had three children and was at home full-time. I had started and grown a retail business in my early twenties, with five shops by the age of 22, but stepping away from this business and paid work at 26 left me wondering where that “successful” version of myself had gone. When I returned to work at 35, I was surprised by how uncertain I felt. I second-guessed what I said. I worried about how I came across. I wondered whether people took me seriously or thought I was out of my depth. My voice, which once felt so natural, felt distant. What I’ve learned since is this: losing confidence doesn’t mean you’ve lost your capacity for leadership. It often just means that you’re in a different season of reshaping and your leadership is waiting for a new way to be expressed.

Lesson 2: Leadership isn’t a title, it’s using your influence 
Re-entering the workplace meant starting again in part-time roles and “behind-the-scenes” positions. It felt small at times. But those spaces taught me something essential: leadership isn’t about visibility or job titles. It’s about influence. Over the years I’ve worked as a finance officer, accounts officer, policy officer, partner in a family business, PR consultant, and lecturer. I’ve chaired a school Parents and Friends Association, led volunteer teams, and preached in my church. None of these roles came with a grand leadership label, yet every one of them required clear communication and credibility as a person. Leadership happens when people trust your voice, even in quiet, unseen rooms. Over those quieter years, I discovered that leadership isn’t about being “the boss.” People listen and follow because of trust and genuine relationships that are built over time. And real influence only comes when you show integrity and good character time and again.

Lesson 3: Communication is the bridge between having ideas and making an impact 
My work in policy and public affairs was a turning point for me. I learned quickly that strong ideas alone aren’t enough. If you can’t explain them clearly, if you can’t tell a compelling story or offer practical solutions, your influence is limited. The same is true in business. This is where PR and communication become important leadership skills. Not “spin”, not self-promotion but the ability to articulate what you believe in, where you want to go and how you are going to get there. The leaders who make the greatest impact are those who can translate the complexity of their work into clear communication that everyone can grasp and make a genuine connection with others. 
That insight is echoed in the work of Illuminaire Leadership Institute, who speak powerfully about leadership as something grounded in character, values and everyday behaviour, not position. I love how they remind us that leadership is lived as much as it is spoken.

Lesson 4: Your voice must match your values 
One of the most humbling leadership experiences for me has been preparing to speak publicly through Bible teaching. Anyone who does public speaking knows how much work goes into shaping words that are clear and meaningful. But it also brings accountability: people don’t just listen to what you say, they watch how you live. That lesson applies far beyond a stage. In leadership, authenticity matters. Your communication only carries weight when it reflects who you really are. Finding your voice isn’t about becoming louder and more publicly visible; it’s about being absolutely sure about the values that you hold most deeply, staying aligned with them and not letting anything pull you off course. 

Finding my voice... again 

Today, co-leading Parley Communications feels like coming full circle and that I have found my voice again. I’m using the skills I once feared I’d lost, skills that are honed by years of practice in the obscure places. Communication skills that I didn’t just learn in the classroom for my Masters, but that have been refined in every job, role and team that I’ve been part of. And leadership skills not learned from being “the boss” but from listening, serving and working with others. 

I’m so relieved that finding your voice isn’t a one-off moment, rather it’s an ongoing practice. For many women in business, especially those navigating career breaks, multiple roles and changing seasons, leadership looks different than we were first taught and that’s a good thing!

Every role you take on and every challenge you walk through adds depth to your leadership, even when it isn’t obvious at the time. Don’t give up on finding and refining your voice. Keep speaking and listening, keep aligning your words with your values, and keep practising your voice until you recognise it again - unmistakably yours, but stronger and probably much wiser. A voice shaped by life experience, maturity that only comes with time, and trust from people who are watching how you live and not just listening to what you say.